Partway through the Oscar telecast Sunday night, a well-dressed man and woman informed the worldwide audience that ABC has cut a deal to continue telecasting the Academy Awards through 2020.
But they didn't mean we'll get shows for the next nine years. They meant that at the pace it was moving, Sunday night's show might not finish until 2020.
Oh, don't worry. ABC will break Monday morning and again Tuesday night for the Charlie Sheen interviews.
You know a show had excitement issues when the liveliest microphone moment of the night came from an overcaffeinated NYU film student named Luke Matheny who thanked "the state of Delaware."
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Runners-up for top microphone moment included cohost Anne Hathaway saying that one of the perks of her gig was "getting to breathe the same air" as Oprah.
Who knew that Oprah has her own air?
Hathaway seemed to spend much of the evening either changing dresses or trying to convert nervous energy into endearing folksiness.
She did fine with the dresses. She'd have had a much better shot at the endearing part if she'd been armed with better material. A song about Hugh Jackman pulling out of a proposed duet performance, for instance, had all the broad, relatable appeal of a song about her caterer delivering the wrong sushi wrap.
She also didn't get a lot of help from her cohost, James Franco, who sometimes looked as if reading the cue cards was the only thing keeping him awake.
Sandra Bullock and Jeff Bridges, in presenting the Best Actress and Actor awards, actually livened up the stage. (AP)
The bigger problem, though, was that they were apparently hired to bring hip looseness to a show that has little or no interest in abandoning its traditional, formal, old-school style.
This made Hathaway and Franco a little like tourists who dance and mug in front of the guards at Buckingham Palace, trying to make them crack a smile. Maybe it's not impossible, but good luck.
It didn't help the Oscars that just two weeks ago the Grammys went the other way, burying the awards and honors part under a barrage of entertainment.
The Oscars aren't going there. This evening is about giving face time to everyone in the biz and giving the winners a chance to thank everyone with whom they worked since third grade.
Almost three hours into the show, Jeff Bridges and Sandra Bullock weren't merely announcing the best actress and actor nominees, but paying individual homage to each.
That's clearly what Hollywood wants, and since Hollywood is picking up the tab for the party, that's what we'll get.
It just didn't make for a lively evening, particularly in a year with no "Titanic" or "Avatar." That is, millions of potential viewers had no horse in the race and thus minimal incentive to hang in for the finish.
For the record, Anne settled down a bit by the end and James stayed awake.
GET THE COMPLETE LIST OF OSCAR WINNERS
NYU student Luke Matheny, who won for his documentary 'God of Love,' started his acceptance speech with 'I should have cut my hair.' (Sayles/AP)
dhinckley@nydailynews.com
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